Coping with a Cancer diagnosis. Death sentence or eye opening blessing?

The following is based on journal entries and is stream of consciousness:

March 6, 2014
The Day the Earth Stood Still Pt. 2

Complete emotional shutdown. In what felt like a few minutes I was storming out of my surgeons office. A little over a month post surgery I would receive some of the most devastating news of my life. How could someone finally get clean and have overcome what at the time felt like the biggest hurdle of his life just to be diagnosed with Stage 3 brain cancer?

I don't recall much of that day. Many were surprised and shocked. It seemed as if no one knew what to say to me. What do you tell a man who was seemingly given a death sentence? The media portrays Cancer as such an insidious beast, so naturally fear is the first emotion felt. A strong dark, lonely and cold fear. Do I just go out on a tear in a psychotic and delusional blaze of glory? I was overloaded with information and lost focus for almost a week. Sleeping all day and contemplating all night.


After not wanting to deal and shutting down completely for almost a week I felt it was time to write another entry. On the night before I was set to leave for the Cancer Treatment Center of America in Philadelphia, it was time to find out what these blank diary pages could teach me.



March 11, 2014
Acceptance
2:45am

Everyone was sleeping. The sound of the wall mounted clock mocked me. Seemingly ticking away the seconds left in my life.

I hit what felt like an emotional plateau. Panic overcame me and I knew I had to get up and process this somehow. Why would this happen? Now? Should I run away and save everyone the inevitable heartache?

I stumbled reluctantly and half asleep out onto the porch and lit my cigarette. The question still mocked me. Running back and forth in my mind. Back and forth. Back and forth. I remembered something I heard once. In the most dire times come the boldest signs. I took a deep breath and something from deep within my soul told me to look up at the sky. At first it may have been to ask why, but suddenly out of the corner of my eye I noticed a large tree. The tree was naked. At first it seemed lifeless, but at closer observation I noticed something more. There was something beneath the surface. While this tree was seemingly stripped of all its pride by this long cold New York City winter there was still something strong and faithful about its stance. It may not have had leaves, but it stood tall and strong. Forever reaching for the stars in what seemed like blind faith. I then noticed next to it a tree that on the outside seemed full of life. In what seemed like full bloom it still appeared outwardly lifeless.

I AM
Cancer wanted to take my happiness,            
I am Happy.
Cancer wanted to take my love,
I am loved.
Cancer wanted to take my drive and ambition,
I am more driven than ever.
Cancer wanted to take my life and define me,
I am alive and I am Mike Cooper.

I cannot tell you how I got from point A to Point B. What I can tell you however is to have faith in a higher power. Stop trying to control every aspect of your life and start worrying about YOU. Behind every problem, no matter how bad it may seem, lies a gift. A lesson. It's up to you to find it.

Could a life be too easy? There is wisdom in the experience of hardship. It was at this moment I decided I'd rather be the strong and tested tree in all its wisdom.Maybe I just hit a plateau of understanding? Pain slowly turned into acceptance. Life is a series of choices. Will you take chances and stand tall in the face of those long dark winters?

Which tree will you be? Choose wisely ... we only live once.